LETTING GO

I have observed one thing about me. time and again i get obsessed over something or the other. I get so obsessed over it to the point that I start despising myself, people in my life and the circumstances for that. there comes a time when I start considering me as a failure. somewhere down the line I eventually give it up. And then somehow I get that thing when i totally forget that I had wanted it in the first place.

It was fine until these were insignificant things. But now as I am growing older, it is happening with the things that make me feel insecure about myself or make me lose confidence in myself. I start identifying myself with this obsession of mine. it reaches to a point where I start feeling that if I don't achieve it than I am not deserving enough in this world.

These things are becoming more intense after my marriage.

Initially it was my hair. I have always had long hair in my adult life. Suddenly everyone started commenting that my hair is thinning and it became my life's mission to restore them to their old glory. I even gave in to people's suggestions and trimmed my hair multiple times because they said the ends are not good. I actually have never believed it. but I gave in. now when I thought my hair are getting better again the comments made me doubt myself. I got so much obsessed with length, until today I made a decision to just stop obsessing over it. Twice in my life I have grown my hair from shoulder length to classic length and that too without any special efforts. It means that it is there in my genes to have long strands, and they will reach that length. I have to just stop obsessing and let them grow.

Another thing was gold. It was this particular piece of jewelry that I had desperately wanted. Somehow it wasn't happening. At times I din have enough money and at times I dint get the desired pattern. i was becoming too much insecure about it. but finally I let go. I decided that the gold on my body doesnt define me. I let go. I made a plan to buy a particular thing for someone else in my life when I would have money and that I am actually satisfied with what i have. and suddenly when wasn't expecting it, I had the money too, got a perfect pattern that I wanted and only one piece of that item was remaining and I also gifted the item I wanted to gift. It was such an amazing feeling.

So now I know like this jewelry thing, all the other things will also work out when they are meant to be. It is not that I will stop wanting them. I of course want them to happen. but now I am not obsessed about that. i am satisfied and content with my current situation and absence of certain thing is my life doesn't define me. I accept that I fear that those things will never happen in my life. I accept and let go of that fear. I am content and I trust universes plan. I want them and i am open to receive them when the time is apt.

These things will definitely go into my vision board but I have decided to stop obsessing over them.  

BRINGING CREATIVITY BACK IN MY LIFE TO GET OUT OF SURVIVAL MODE

Few weeks back I had posted a Blogpost where I had raised a query whether we can get out of survival mode my forcing creativity into our life. So I did some efforts towards this. 

The easiest was bottle painting. I cleaned one glass bottle. when I took out my color box I realized that there aren't any brushes but I did have my glass paints and a highlighter. So I just used the highlighter and drew something on the bottle. Turns out people liked it. By people I mean my family members. I did not post any picture of the bottle any where.

Later for Christmas, me and my sister decided to exchange gifts and decided on not getting anything related to reading. I had mentioned this concept of re-inviting creativity into my life. She gifted me these amazing brush pens and a coloring book having these beautiful mandala drawings. I painted two of them at my own pace.

Today I have purchased paint brushes and mode glass paint highlighters.

So my conclusion is that, you can get out of survival mode by forcing creativity back into your life. I am proud of how I am even able to open up my blog and write something.

I will keep updating.

See you.

WRITING ESSAYS

As everyone else, I too am very much charged up as the year is about to end. I desperately want to do something substantial, a kind of a pre-setting for some impactful new year resolutions, like every year. So this pursuit took me to you tube. on you tube, I came across a video which mentioned importance of writing essays. That's when it occurred to me how essays used to be an integral part of us till we finished our education, not so much in professional colleges though. But at least till plus two.

That made me think, aren't these videos, reels essays too. indeed they are. It reminded me of how we used to have an introductory paragraph, then the middle body or the main matter and finally the conclusive paragraph. We were told how we can score more marks if we could add some quotes or poems and much better if they were original. It also reminded me of how in my earlier days of blogging I used to actually use this same format to write my blogs.

Later somehow with SMSs and captions for social media every thing became short and to the point. I still feel it kind of killed the creativity or the language skill in us.

I was always proud of how i would always score more marks in essay writing in language papers. I was indeed very much proud of this skill of mine. I would write original poems or quotes.

But now I feel as like happened, as I entered the professional life and the hustle, I kind of lost that creativity in me. May be it is still there somewhere inside hidden under something. But now it doesn't feel easy. I think I haven't written a poem in ages. 

So this is just a small attempt at essay writing (may be). I was thinking that now may be every now and then I will make an attempt to write some essay here at least. On this blog. I will definitely improve my way of writing and sentence forming too because I feel that is a skill I need to refine and has become blunt over the period of time.

Lets hope that you will see more of me this coming year, here on my blog.

Till then. Take care.

Creative Block

 

I came across this quote on Instagram yesterday and I realised how true is this and this is the answer to the very question I have been asking myself. I am not me for a few years now. I mean drawing, writing poems and books was my whole personality. Now it’s only books. It’s been a long time since I have drawn or written a poem.

You can create in sadness but never in survival mode. The constant feeling that anything can happen at any moment. May be this is the reason I couldn’t achieve anything substantial and satisfactory in the past few years.

I was wondering now, whether this thing can work vice versa too. That is lets suppose we can not create in survival mode but what if we force ourself to create, even a small start, is it possible that it will help us get out of this survival mode.

I think it will be better understood after a trial

Comeback Post

 I haven’t posted anything on my blog since ages now. Well reason being, life happened. And is still happening. 

I keep trying to heal myself and then somehow land up in the same dilemmas. And later end up doing the same things to get out of it over and over again and some how it helps too.

May be there is a pattern in this. May be universe wants me to do something different but I quiet cant figure out what. Every time i resort to tarot, “the star” card comes up. But I am no tarot card reader and I am not able to find anyone to do that for me so I cant tell what the universe is telling me exactly.

Anyways, life is going on. Its not bad. Its going on.

But I am failing to stay satisfied which I should be. Also I keep getting anxious over small small things and somehow I have convinced myself that I keep falling from one thing into another.

I realised while pointing out to others as being in victim mindset somewhere I was also doing the same. The “why me” question itself expresses “victimhood” and I dont want that.

I want to the fighter that I have always been

Slowly slowly I am learning to understand the real me and not the personality which was developed over the period of years to please those around me. At times I feel may be my hobbies and goals were also borrowed.

Well life is a journey and we learn at every moment and healing is a journey and not a destination.

I just hope to be at peace and happiness and free while at it

Thank you 

Grateful

I am grateful for my life

For everything in it

For every breath that I take

For every person that I meet

For every story that I hear

And for every blow that I bear

I am grateful for it all

For the good and the bad

For the better and the worse

It’s all worth it

For it all has made me what I am

It all has, is and will take me towards the destination that I ultimately desire 

Thank you universe

Thank you for it all

For every moment

For everything 

SLOW READING

Today while I was doing my regular yoga session, as usual I had put on a video on youtube. This time I was listening to something related to books. Actually I wanted to know about some new genres that I haven’t explored yet, to find out my favourite genre. Anyways, somehow i came across a video that talked about slow reading. It picked my attention, for I had many a times heard or watched or read about increasing one’s reading speed. So this was definitely interesting and specially because the person was saying about how he could read more books because he reads slowly, sometimes even three pages for one full hour. 

This does seem interesting. Slow reading helps us to grasp the essence of the literature much better rather than just grazing through. And then I remembered, it’s the same thing that we have been doing since ages. The way our scholars or elders told us to read one verse or shloka from our sacred literature. It’s the same thing. We need to absorb what we are reading. Though you can graze through also at times. It’s not a sin. But some books really need to read slowly. We can say they should be chewed slowly like food to benefit from all the nutrients that they carry.

And also like I said reading fast is not a sin, similarly reading slow is also not a crime. This I am actually telling to myself, for sometimes I do feel guilty when I am dragging  certain book for longer duration than usual. 

I have found a solution to this also. As I have mentioned in my previous article, I have started reading multiple books at a time . If at all it gets difficult to read certain book due to my mood or any reason, I just take a break from it, however long may be, and then get back to it when I feel like. Well, this is a topic for discussion for some other time.

The gist is you can read slow and its not a crime. In fact it will help you in many ways. I will definitely write about it as I gather more experience on the said topic.

Till then bye 😊😊😊