Comeback Post

 I haven’t posted anything on my blog since ages now. Well reason being, life happened. And is still happening. 

I keep trying to heal myself and then somehow land up in the same dilemmas. And later end up doing the same things to get out of it over and over again and some how it helps too.

May be there is a pattern in this. May be universe wants me to do something different but I quiet cant figure out what. Every time i resort to tarot, “the star” card comes up. But I am no tarot card reader and I am not able to find anyone to do that for me so I cant tell what the universe is telling me exactly.

Anyways, life is going on. Its not bad. Its going on.

But I am failing to stay satisfied which I should be. Also I keep getting anxious over small small things and somehow I have convinced myself that I keep falling from one thing into another.

I realised while pointing out to others as being in victim mindset somewhere I was also doing the same. The “why me” question itself expresses “victimhood” and I dont want that.

I want to the fighter that I have always been

Slowly slowly I am learning to understand the real me and not the personality which was developed over the period of years to please those around me. At times I feel may be my hobbies and goals were also borrowed.

Well life is a journey and we learn at every moment and healing is a journey and not a destination.

I just hope to be at peace and happiness and free while at it

Thank you 

Grateful

I am grateful for my life

For everything in it

For every breath that I take

For every person that I meet

For every story that I hear

And for every blow that I bear

I am grateful for it all

For the good and the bad

For the better and the worse

It’s all worth it

For it all has made me what I am

It all has, is and will take me towards the destination that I ultimately desire 

Thank you universe

Thank you for it all

For every moment

For everything 

SLOW READING

Today while I was doing my regular yoga session, as usual I had put on a video on youtube. This time I was listening to something related to books. Actually I wanted to know about some new genres that I haven’t explored yet, to find out my favourite genre. Anyways, somehow i came across a video that talked about slow reading. It picked my attention, for I had many a times heard or watched or read about increasing one’s reading speed. So this was definitely interesting and specially because the person was saying about how he could read more books because he reads slowly, sometimes even three pages for one full hour. 

This does seem interesting. Slow reading helps us to grasp the essence of the literature much better rather than just grazing through. And then I remembered, it’s the same thing that we have been doing since ages. The way our scholars or elders told us to read one verse or shloka from our sacred literature. It’s the same thing. We need to absorb what we are reading. Though you can graze through also at times. It’s not a sin. But some books really need to read slowly. We can say they should be chewed slowly like food to benefit from all the nutrients that they carry.

And also like I said reading fast is not a sin, similarly reading slow is also not a crime. This I am actually telling to myself, for sometimes I do feel guilty when I am dragging  certain book for longer duration than usual. 

I have found a solution to this also. As I have mentioned in my previous article, I have started reading multiple books at a time . If at all it gets difficult to read certain book due to my mood or any reason, I just take a break from it, however long may be, and then get back to it when I feel like. Well, this is a topic for discussion for some other time.

The gist is you can read slow and its not a crime. In fact it will help you in many ways. I will definitely write about it as I gather more experience on the said topic.

Till then bye 😊😊😊

 

MY EXPERIMENT AT READING MULTIPLE BOOKS AT THE SAME TIME (PART 1)

 

I had never done it before. I would always read one book at a time. It was mainly because I would read only fiction and once I got hold of a book I would not leave it till I am done with it. I must say I was a voracious reader. Back when we did not have access to smart phone I would pick up my book the way we pick up our smart phone every now and then.

Slowly I shifted my genre to non-fiction and there was a time I would read only nonfiction. But at times I would get bored of some books and then I would dump them and start another book. Also I tried hands at some of the so called famous or classic books but unfortunately got tired of few of them and left them halfway. It would always haunt me looking at all those unfinished books and make me feel uncomfortable. They would arouse a sense of incompleteness in me. A sort of insufficiency which told me that I cannot complete the tasks at hand. This coupled with other projects in my life made me feel unhappy. It sort of had an effect on my mental health.

Then one fine day I decided I would finish all the incomplete tasks. One of the projects was finishing all the unfinished books from my shelf. I was slowly drifting towards minimalism also those days. So I decided that I would first finish all the unfinished once and then only will buy new books. But like any other reader I couldn’t keep up with my #bookbuyingban and always found excuses to buy newer books.

This made me feel even more uncomfortable thinking that I can’t even keep up with my resolve, adding to my guilt of leaving things unfinished.

Eventually somehow I came across this idea one day, that, what if I read multiple books at the same time simultaneously; like how we watch so many daily soaps and had different subjects to study in school and we would do all that simultaneously. I just casually searched about it and talked about this idea to my sister and came to know that people actually do read multiple books at the same time. I also read that people feel this is much better than reading a single book at a time.

I thought of doing it. Initially started with two books at a time; one fiction and one nonfiction. It went quiet well. But me being me, now given a liberty of choosing more than one book at a time I picked a lot of books and even made a list of my #tbr (to be read). And now I am overwhelmed. I have selected a lot many books and now all are midway. I am super confused as to which one to pick and whichever not to at a given time. All the titles are pulling me towards them.

So far this is my situation. I will definitely find a solution to this too and will definitely let my readers know about it. But right now I feel stuck and more so because I have selected way too many non-fiction books and I want to finish them all.

THE FEELING OF GETTING OVERWHELMED

 

The feeling of fullness and that cannot take anymore; is my definition of being overwhelmed. But here the fullness is not of your stomach but rather your brain or mind, whatever you call that. It can be that heaviness you feel in head or your chest or the throat.

It’s as though you know you just can’t anymore. Neither can you take any more advice or any other information. You feel there is so much to be accomplished and you haven’t done it yet. Basically you just realize everything is  a mess.

It keeps happening to me after every few days. I try various ways to get rid of it or at least minimize the intensity. At times I meditate, go for a walk, do some exercise, try to write down what I feel (as I am currently doing); but something that helps most of the times is going through some stuff and decluttering. I just get rid of excess. Though it’s a physical action but it makes my brain feel as though I have taken control and emptied my cup a little bit.

I thought that living a more organized life will help me get rid of this feeling but it just makes me feel more overwhelmed as I am not able to achieve this goal of being organized. It gives me more mental stress that I am not able to accomplish it.

May be simplifying the life can help it. Simplifying it at various levels, both physically and mentally. The possessions as well as thoughts and relationships. We need to identify what is truly important. What truly needs to stay and what we should let go of.

And it’s a continuous journey and not a destination.

And now I cannot even complete this article, because of course I feel overwhelmed.

UNAPOLOGETIC SELF ACCEPTANCE

 UNAPOLOGETIC SELF ACCEPTANCE 

Often we have been told to accept things without judging them. Things, people, situations. To maintain peace and balance. But hardly have we been advised about accepting our own self unapologetically. We go light on others, accept their mistakes, understand that they are humans. But when it comes to us, at times we scrutinise ourselves so strictly, even more strictly than the ruthless warden. We forget that we are humans too. That we can also make mistakes. And its ok. Its ok to understand that mistakes happen and we can not do it all. After all that is what makes us unique.

Unapologetic self acceptance means understanding what you are along with your shortcomings. Definitely you can try to improve yourself or be a better version of you, but only because you truly want to, and not just because you want to fit in or someone very dear to you wants to you to or simply because that’s supposed to be right way.

It definitely doesn’t mean being lazy or rude either and just hiding behind the veil of the phrase ‘this is what i am’. Rather it means being true to yourself. When you make mistakes own it to yourself. Not necessarily in-front of others. And even if you can not then also it is ok. Accepting yourself in-front of you and in-front of others without any justification.

Its easier said than done. But only when we unapologetically accept ourselves, first in-front of us and then in-front of others, only then can be develop true relationships; with us as well as with others.

CHANGE

 

Change, shift, switch, diversion and many other words, all that mean similar; but it’s something that most of us dread. Though it’s an inevitable thing in this universe. It is applicable to everything around including us ourselves. Eventually everything has to change and nothing is permanent. But we people often forget this harsh reality and expect that the things will forever be the same. At least most of us.

Everyone reacts in a different manner to the change. Actually how we react to the change tells a lot about how we are as a person. There are many books written about this but I found “who moved my cheese?” to be a simpler and easier one.

Generally there are basic two reactions to change. Either you accept it or you do not. Well, there is a phase in between it. It is the phase of transition or we can say adaption. Here we try to adjust to the fact that the change has indeed happed and that we have to get used to it.

Let us see different reactions of people to changes.

First category of people is the ones who easily accept the change. These are in fact the people who have awareness. They have already realized that the change is happening. They keep constant awareness of their surroundings and note the minor changes. Hence when eventually they are faced with major changes, they do not panic and instead take quick actions. In short they are always prepared.

Second category is also of the people who accept the change quickly even if they had not preconceived that the change is about to happen. They just quickly adapt to changes and just keep moving without thinking anything else.

Third variety is of the people who do not accept the change. They are just not ready to accept that such a thing can happen to them. They just sit around not taking any action, just waiting for things to be the way they were before. They believe that it was their right to experience the things the way they were prior to the change. They just keep victimizing themselves. At times they do not accept the help from other people who try to show them the other ways around.

Then there is this fourth category. Here initially they are also not ready to accept what has happened and mull over the change for a lot of time. They analyze and over analyze. Eventually they realize that they have wasted time and that they need to move on with the change; but their fears hold them back. After a lot of thinking they finally move out. Still afraid they keep moving and eventually reach a better place.

But what is it actually? When we say that change is inevitable or that it is eventually bound to happen in all the walks of life, does it have any advantages or do we just have to keep suffering these changes? Actually change helps to develop us. Whenever a change comes, in order to fit into the current situation we learn new skills; which in turn adds up to our knowledge. Either we fair or we win; but definitely we acquire something better that adds to our personal growth.

So whatever the change may be, however scared you may get, but learn to accept it and move on. That is the way this life is to be lead. This life is not about stagnation; instead it’s about the constant flow.

Be the river

And keep flowing

Don’t be the pond

That will eventually dry up

JJJ